Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) isn’t just a childhood condition—it often persists into adulthood, sometimes undiagnosed for years. Many adults realize they might have ADHD after a lifetime of unexplained struggles.
To explore this, I spoke with Jack (@spacejamsjack), who was recently diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 32. His journey from confusion to clarity underscores the importance of recognizing ADHD symptoms in adulthood.
Undiagnosed ADHD can significantly impact various aspects of life, from work and relationships to self-esteem.
However, identifying the signs and seeking a diagnosis can be life-changing, offering explanations for long-standing difficulties and opening doors to effective management strategies.
This article delves into the signs of undiagnosed ADHD in adults and the value of diagnosis, drawing insights from Jack’s personal experience and broader research on adult ADHD.
How do I know if I have undiagnosed ADHD as an adult?
Below are some signs that may indicate that someone has undiagnosed ADHD as an adult. Keep in mind that these signs alone may not indicate ADHD, and you should seek guidance from a professional if you suspect you may have ADHD.
Your life feels like it lacks any kind of structure
Adults with ADHD may feel like their life is full of chaos at times. For example, they might:
- Have difficulty making plans and sticking to them
- Have a messy or disorganized work or home space
- Struggle with being on time or sticking to deadlines
This lack of structure may become more apparent as an adult when they cannot rely on the safety of school and parents to help structure their lives.
Jack explains that he felt his neurodivergence more so in his teenage years and early adulthood: “Because this is when structure was more heavily implemented in life, and I needed to follow the set life blueprint.”
Having more responsibility for the organization of your life can be very overwhelming for someone with ADHD.
Daily tasks can feel impossible
For adults with ADHD, even simple tasks that others seem to do without much thought can feel daunting.
It’s common for people with ADHD to struggle with initiating tasks, having the motivation to persist with tasks, and completing them from start to finish without procrastinating or becoming distracted.
Someone with ADHD may:
- Put off doing laundry until they have no clean clothes left
- Leave their homework to the last minute
- Struggle with starting a work project that feels too big or has too many steps
- Neglect self-care, e.g., showering, cooking, brushing teeth
Jack illustrates this: “I don’t eat regular meals or cook as much as everyone else or some jobs I straight up can’t do, even if most around me seem to be better at it.”
People with ADHD may find themselves constantly playing catch-up with basic responsibilities, feeling frustrated and confused about why tasks that seem easy for others require so much effort for them.
Other people seem to have it all together
Individuals with undiagnosed ADHD often feel they’re lagging behind peers, noticing others achieving milestones or managing responsibilities more easily. This leads to feelings of inadequacy and frustration.
Jack’s experience illustrates this:
“I kept basing my worth on how I was keeping up with everyone else. At the age of 24, I hadn’t found a job I liked, had no money, and lived at home and all my friends from school were in relationships and had moved out or in the process of moving out.”
Even when successfully hitting milestones, people with ADHD may struggle with imposter syndrome due to:
- A history of setbacks
- The need to maintain constant coping strategies
- Fear of others discovering their perceived shortcomings
This can lead to feeling like they’re “faking it” even when genuinely succeeding.
You can be very impulsive
While everyone may act impulsively at times, for those with ADHD, these behaviors tend to be more frequent and have a more significant impact on their daily lives.
Some examples of impulsivity in ADHD include:
- Spontaneously buying expensive items without considering budget constraints.
- Frequently interrupting others mid-sentence in conversations.
- Quitting a job on impulse without having another lined up.
- Experiencing sudden, intense anger over minor inconveniences.
- Moving in with a romantic partner after only a few weeks of dating.
- Impulsively consuming an entire bag of snacks in one sitting when not hungry.
Jack shares: “I would spend even more money recklessly because I was frustrated.”
This can illustrate how emotional states can trigger impulsive behaviors, particularly in financial decisions, for individuals with undiagnosed ADHD.
You may prefer unconventional life paths
Jack’s experience provides insight into how individuals with undiagnosed ADHD may gravitate towards unconventional life paths:
“My life did finally begin to pick up once my parents reassured me that there was no pressure and encouraged me to follow my creative interests and to not worry about the 9-5 office format.”
For many with ADHD, working in a typical office environment might not be stimulating enough and not work well with their traits of inattention and dysregulated focus.
They may thrive better at jobs that are more hands-on, creative, and flexible, which complement their ADHD rather than oppose it, as Jack elaborates:
“At 25, my ADHD strengths finally began to get to work, and my creativity turned into entrepreneurialism, and my passions became motivations. It led me on a long journey in which I couldn’t predict what would happen next, but for me, it became my own version of control, my own blueprint.”
You can struggle with your self-esteem
Self-esteem issues can arise from undiagnosed ADHD because individuals may internalize their struggles, attributing them to personal failings rather than a neurological condition.
Jack explains: “…you leave school and struggle to adapt to the working world because the jobs available or those that are socially acceptable you don’t like or can’t hold down. So naturally, I felt a lot of shame and blame, and this heavily hindered my progress.”
This negative self-perception can lead to a cycle of self-doubt and decreased confidence in those with undiagnosed ADHD, as Jack elaborates:
“…the shame and blame were a heavy weight on me, so to put simply, I just thought, ‘there’s something wrong with me.’ There was no other reason or logic for years. Just felt I was a problem and that I needed fixing. Kept telling myself I needed to be better, and I had to be, because everyone else was. I refused to see reason, I just thought I was a disappointment.”
Other struggles, such as harsh self-criticism, downplaying personal strengths, and avoiding new challenges due to fear of failure, can also stem from a lack of understanding of having ADHD.
You feel like you don’t fit in
Individuals with undiagnosed ADHD often experience a persistent sense of not fitting in with their peers or societal expectations. Jack’s experience provides insight into this common struggle:
“I felt alienated because I was hanging out with people that found me ‘jumpy and odd’.”
This explains how ADHD traits can lead to social difficulties and a sense of otherness.
People with undiagnosed ADHD may struggle to conform to social norms, feel misunderstood, and have difficulty maintaining relationships.
Jack further elaborates:
“You go to school, and the education system and all pupils are expected to do the same things, everyone must be able to do maths or gain the same skills needed for future employment, and when you’re one that can’t, you feel you can’t do what’s expected of you.”
This sense of not fitting in can be pervasive, affecting various areas of life, from education to career and social relationships.
For those with undiagnosed ADHD, this feeling can lead to isolation, low self-esteem, and a constant effort to mask their true selves in an attempt to conform.
Why does ADHD go undiagnosed in adults?
Below are some of the possible reasons why ADHD can often go undiagnosed or diagnosed late in adults:
Lack of understanding of ADHD presentation
Many adults remain undiagnosed due to a limited understanding of how ADHD manifests in adulthood.
Jack explained that he did not notice his struggles until he was older, which is when life demands increased. This common experience can make it easy to overlook signs of ADHD in some children. He elaborates:
“The beauty of the inattentiveness in ADHD is that you don’t necessarily notice or care about struggles when you are a child because the world is so new, and for me, I just liked doing things in a certain way as I had no guideline or blueprint to worry about yet, so I had no awareness that I was behaving differently from the other kids.”
ADHD symptoms can be subtle or manifest differently in adults compared to children, making it challenging for individuals and healthcare professionals to recognize the condition.
Masking and coping mechanisms
Masking in ADHD refers to efforts to camouflage your ADHD traits as a way to fit in and be accepted.
This can include suppressing fidgeting behaviors, holding back on impulses, or pretending to pay attention.
Masking can often be reinforced by others, as Jack describes:
“In my experience, there were teachers or other adults just forcing you to be normal and asking you why you can’t be like the other kids.”
Masking is especially common in those who are undiagnosed and can make it difficult for others to recognize ADHD and may even prevent individuals from seeking help, as they’ve found ways to manage their symptoms.
Misdiagnosis or co-existing diagnoses
According to research, ADHD and anxiety frequently co-occur, with up to 50% of people with ADHD also experiencing anxiety. This overlap can lead to diagnostic confusion, as symptoms like difficulty concentrating and restlessness are common to both conditions.
The ADHD-inattentive type and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) can present similarly, making differentiation challenging. Depression, PTSD, and other mood disorders may also mask ADHD symptoms.
The presence of anxiety or other conditions may inhibit impulsivity, potentially making ADHD less apparent and delaying diagnosis.
Additionally, adults with both ADHD and anxiety tend to be diagnosed later in life than those with ADHD alone.
This complex clinical picture underscores the importance of comprehensive assessment to accurately identify ADHD in adults, especially when other mental health conditions are present.
Is an ADHD diagnosis worth it?
According to Jack’s experience, getting an ADHD diagnosis as an adult can be transformative. Here’s a breakdown of the strengths and limitations:
Strengths of getting diagnosed:
Self-understanding and comfort
Receiving a diagnosis can feel like a relief for many and provide answers for their differences and struggles, as Jack explains:
“I got diagnosed with combined ADHD in Mid-May this year, and when the assessment finally came and my questions were answered, I felt extremely comforted.”
Reduced self-blame
With a diagnosis, people may realize that their forgetfulness, inattention, motivational difficulties etc, are not character flaws, but a symptom of ADHD:
“I don’t beat myself up, and I can manage my self-esteem and blame a whole lot better.
I feel the journey to the diagnosis is quite crucial as when you begin to suspect you have it and look at relatable online content (such as memes), that’s when the hopelessness and self-blame reduces.
There is an answer to this behaviour and the beauty of it is that you don’t look to fix it (unless its unhealthy or harmful behaviours), you just stop beating yourself up and accept it.”
Embracing uniqueness
Getting a diagnosis can be the beginning of the ‘unmasking’ process for those with ADHD where they can start to live life authentically:
“I flash my quirks with pride and don’t feel pressure to adjust my life in ways that don’t compute with me…
One example is certain social situations or hobbies. I can’t stand going to the theatre or playing board games. A lot of my friends love those things, but I just don’t enjoy them, so I stopped worrying about having to go and force myself. I will just sit that activity out and wait for something that is more stimulating for me…
You don’t need to worry about fitting in, because you are placed exactly where you are meant to, and you fit in perfectly.”
Improved functionality
Knowing that you have ADHD can mean that you can make accommodations to your life to help you get things done, as Jack explains:
“I have noticed that I have become more functional and can begin to improve on recurring struggles such as managing money better or dieting better because I’ve let my brain be free to do ADHD things, and because of this, there’s less resistance to my lifelong foes (laundry, budget sheets, and university assignments). I still don’t like doing them, but I feel I can bargain with myself more.”
Focus on strengths
With an ADHD diagnosis, people may feel more freedom to work in ways that suit them and utilize their strengths rather than trying to fit into a mold of what is socially acceptable:
“It just means I can focus on the things I enjoy and am good at, as the things I’m good at, I’m very good at. I just harness my passion and creativity and stopped putting my brain on a leash and just let it take the wheel as good things happen on my terms instead, the way it’s supposed to.”
Limitations and challenges:
Initial emotional rollercoaster
It is normal to feel a wave of emotions after an ADHD diagnosis, such as feeling regret about past struggles or missed opportunities, as Jack explains:
“I felt extremely comforted, but for a brief period, I then felt very low, almost a mixture of anger and frustration as I had processed that for my entire life, I have been neurodivergent, an identity and definition I had been deprived of for years.”
Potential misunderstanding from others
Disclosing your diagnosis to others is a personal choice and may benefit you in some situations but not in others due to the stigma and myths attached to ADHD. This is something Jack suggests considering:
“Just be prepared that when you tell people, some might not quite get it or may act disablist and ignore all that you’ve achieved and begin to think you are incapable of doing anything without their help.”
Long waiting times for diagnosis
Having an ADHD diagnosis is a privilege for many and not accessible for some. Depending on where you live, an assessment may be extremely expensive, or there may be a long waiting list.
Jack was placed on a waiting list for his assessment, but he overall believes it was worth it and encourages anyone who thinks they could have ADHD to:
“…seek a diagnosis. Don’t get put off by the long waiting lists as ultimately your life finally becomes yours and it a magnificent experience.”
Remember: Everyone’s experience is unique, but for Jack, the benefits of diagnosis far outweighed the challenges. He emphasizes that understanding his ADHD allowed him to “stop masking” and live more authentically, leading to greater happiness and success in life.
References
Hammerness, P., Geller, D., Petty, C., Lamb, A., Bristol, E., & Biederman, J. (2010). Does ADHD moderate the manifestation of anxiety disorders in children?. European child & adolescent psychiatry, 19, 107-112. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00787-009-0041-8
Katzman, M. A., Bilkey, T. S., Chokka, P. R., Fallu, A., & Klassen, L. J. (2017). Adult ADHD and comorbid disorders: clinical implications of a dimensional approach. BMC psychiatry, 17, 1-15. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-017-1463-3
Pliszka, S. R., Carlson, C., & Swanson, J. M. (1999). ADHD with comorbid disorders: Clinical assessment and management. New York: Guilford.
